Humor quotes and quotations
I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver…and since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real quick and give it to him.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A. Whitney Brown
The real reason for comedy is to hide the pain.
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents.
Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.
Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
George Jean Nathan
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Humour has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.
Those who are serious in ridiculous matters will be ridiculous in serious matters.
Cato the Elder
We never respect those who amuse us, however we may smile at their comic powers.
A difference of taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Dwight D. Eisenhower
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling school, I think one of the courses should be laughing, then jumping off something.
Wit is cultured insolence.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. 'Hear that?' you say, 'That's dynamite, baby.'
Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn't be so bad if they thought.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but the thing dies in the process and the innards are discouraging to any but the pure scientific mind.
E. B. White
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Edward De Bono
The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
If there's one thing I know it's God does love a good joke.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
John Kenneth Galbraith
To me, it's a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around. That way, if anybody says, 'Hey, can you give me a hand?' you can say, 'Sorry, got these sacks.'
One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you.
Humor is our way of defending ourselves from life's absurdities by thinking absurdly about them.
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
The gods too are fond of a joke.
I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.
Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it you have the ability to enjoy it.
If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid looking in a mirror, because I bet that will really throw you into a panic.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
T. S. Eliot
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.
Samuel Butler (1)
Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.
I never dare to write As funny as I can.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.
There's the humour of it.
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
George Bernard Shaw
Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said, 'Hey, how's it going?' So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said 'Now who's asking the questions?'
Instead of studying for finals, what about just going to the Bahamas and catching some rays? Maybe you'll flunk, but you might have flunked anyway; that's my point.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw
Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'
Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh. And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous. By'r Lady, he is a good musician.
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.
Total absence of humor renders life impossible.
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.
In the end, everything is a gag.